Why you are never early (or always late) 

 

 

1.     You think it’s possible to get more done in the time you have than is actually possible.

 

2.     You don’t do a backwards calculation (see below).

 

3.     You have not timed how long things actually take (see below).

 

4.     You chastise yourself for getting less done than you wanted or expected and then you berate yourself and then you feel bad.

 

5.     You don’t clock watch – if you don’t know what time it is, how can you leave on time? 

6.     You lose time doing unimportant stuff. This can be a general thing or a “I’ll just do this before I go…” thing. 

7.     Being late becomes a habit (you, that’s YOU by the way, can break this habit so easily)

 

8.     People berate you even when you are early/ on-time so what’s the point – this takes time, doing it consistently and, while this next suggestion is not very positive, it is the only way I have found to silence some people – actively look for their flaws and if they point yours out, point theirs out, but you MUST have fixed or at least be proactively working towards fixing YOUR ISSUE before you can justifiably have a go back (and don’t use personal insults)….… eventually they will stop having a go at you – then stop having a go at them or anyone else, or even better, you stop first.

 

9.     If you get there early, you’ll be on your own and have to wait around…. “Wasting time” which you could have used more productively at home getting those jobs done that you now feel bad about not doing!  This one took me years to change in my head, but the feeling of self-superiority you feel about being there first eventually takes over the other feeling. 

 

 

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is VITAL to our mental health and therefore our wellbeing. We are ALL our own biggest critic and so, so rarely our own greatest fan. The human brain looks for danger, it looks for the negative because;

Negative = Danger

 

We create a spiral of self-destruction, where 10 on your self-esteem scale is feeling on top of the world and 1 is the exact opposite;

Usually starts with;

-       Feeling a bit low a self-esteem=5 – tired, not feeling great about oneself, had some negative feedback which is preying on our mind, haven’t achieved what we wanted, ran out of time and didn’t complete a task, expectation of being “told off” by boss or partner….

-       Doing something wrong self-esteem=4 – turn up late, forgot to bring an item

-       Our attitude is wrong so everything is an effort and people keep asking “why so glum” self-esteem=3

-       Going back home to what you neglected to do earlier self-esteem=2 – go to bed feeling crap

-       Poor nights’ sleep worrying, self-esteem=1 – You can see how it can spiral, seemingly “out of your control” when in reality the ONLY person who can fix it is ourselves and it’s amazingly simple.

 

 

How to Fix yourself!

 

1.     Acknowledge your current state – Literally rate your self-esteem out of 10 and say to yourself, “okay, right now I am a 4” you have to know where you are before you can exact change. 

2.     Put less pressure on yourself – There is a wonderful phrase from a “horse whisperer” I follow call Pat Parelli – “it takes as long as it takes”. This is a painfully simplistic phrase, but think about it for a moment, anything, and I mean ANYTHING you have had to work to get good at; mathematics, riding a bicycle, swimming, running long distance – walking for the first time! These all probably took you a lot of hours to get competent at – they say it takes 10,000 hours to become expert at anything (Malcom Gladwell wrote a book about it) so

3.     Create a to do list, prioritise the tasks, “eat the frog” – i.e. do the most hated jobs first and then

4.     Praise yourself for getting just 1 of those jobs done. Let’s face it, if it was the most important task you had to complete and you’ve done it, then well done! And push yourself up a notch on your self-esteem scale – great, now you are a 5 and you are on the up. If you didn’t get the one job done, then was it too big to do in the time and so should have been sub-divided? Was it dependant on some outside person or knowledge? In which case do something to move it forward and move on to number two. If you procrastinated, then acknowledge that, forgive yourself and work on fixing that for next time. 

5.     Let it go – stop singing! Sometimes you simply have to forgive yourself and accept that, yes, you did it badly, but for most of us no-one dies, so just take a moment to say “oops” and move on. Maintain your self-esteem level, don’t push it further down.  

 

 

 

Backwards Calculation 

I will use a simple example for this and you’ll get the idea;

Example; You have meeting at some external place at 10am

1.     How long will it take you to get there? Let’s say 30mins, so if you leave at 9:30am, that will get you there at 10am

        a.     What about parking/walking the last part? 15mins

        b.     What about traffic? 20mins

        c.     What about unforeseen issues? 15mins. 

        d.     Calculation so far; 15 + 15+ 20 = 50mins so you MUST leave home at 9:10am, personally I would leave home at 9am, then the “worst case scenario” is that I am at my destination, ready to start at 9:30am. In my head that gives me time to pause, time to think, I could get a coffee or I could get fuel and STILL make the 10am meeting.
If it helps, imagine you are meeting the most important person in your life; your partner/wife/husband, Bill Gates, Robert Downey Jnr or a first date! First impressions last, how would YOU like to be perceived?
A business mentor called Darren Hardy, tells a story where-by he leaves the appointment place if the person is not that there at the allotted time. He feels it is disrespectful, both to Darren and the individual, tbh that seems fair to me. 

        e.     But before you leave home, you’ll need a shower, how long does that take? It’s your shower not mine, but let’s say 20mins

        f.      Your hair, make-up, getting dressed, deciding what to wear, this is why Steve Jobs wore the same clothes. If it’s an important meeting, you should decide what to wear and have it at hand the night before. 30mins

        g.     Breakfast 30mins

        h.     Waking up, coming round 15mins

        i.      Total so far 20 + 30 + 30 + 15 = 95mins or 1hr 35 or 7:25am alarm 

 

You hopefully see how that works and how you can “backwards calculate” your appointments. Now the next thing you may hit, as I did is “omg, this is so boring, prepping my life, mundane habits, doing the same stuff everyday – I am free person! I don’t want to be tied to a process like this! 20mins for a shower! Sometimes I like a bath and could be in there an hour easy!!”

 

Read Rob Moore’s book “Routine = Results”, he’s a multi-millionaire, award winning speaker and coach - I rest my case. 

 

The final step is to make being early a new habit – bizarrely you will actually get more done not less, you’ll gain more respect from the people around you, you will feel calmer and be in more control and you’ll be a safer driver. 

This is certainly one of those cases where practise makes perfect – yes I know, the correct phrase is practise makes permanent, but that is also true and just as useful to you in your new life. 

 

I look forward to you being at our meeting before me!