The Number 1 way to improve your confidence

The Number 1 way to improve your confidence

I teach martial arts, which means that most people think I am a combination of Bruce Lee and Rocky….I am not. Yet I exude confidence. Now, even as I write those words they sound conceited, but it shouldn’t, it’s just a fact.

Have I always been confident? – I would say yes, pretty much

Am I always confident? No, definitely not.

How then can an unconfident, nervous or anxious person improve their confidence?

It comes from an old phrase often misquoted as “Practise makes perfect” but that is not true, practise only makes permanent. The correct phrase is “Perfect practise makes perfect” and perfect practise is only achieved via a coach, mentor or guide. This can be a friend for free or a paid helper, or it could be someone you look-up to who is on YouTube, but you will also need someone who is your fan, to support you and encourage you.  

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Steps to improved confidence;
1. Identify areas of your life where you are;

A.    Confident

B.    Not Confident or nervous

2. Identify what it is specifically that you are nervous about and write it down, drill down into the risk

3. Think about a task or place about which you are confident, identify the differences

Too many us say things like “I’m no good with technology” or “I can’t drive in a big city” or “I’m scared of horses” with zero thought about why.

Words have power, change your words, change your life”, choose yours carefully.

When I first started learning Martial Arts, I knew nothing, I just knew I wanted to improve myself and learn the skills. As I gained in knowledge, I found gaps I wanted to fill.

As an example, I wasn’t happy with my ability to punch with power and speed, so I found a coach and fixed it. Next I felt vulnerable at very close quarters, I felt I would be unable to generate sufficient power so again I found a coach with this ability and learnt this skill.

Another example or scenario I would like to share was what someone (sadly I don’t remember who) said about when someone speaks in public.

“Everyone wants you to win, to be successful”

I said “why? That isn’t my experience” – Wow, what does that tell you about my mindset at the time?

The reason is quite simple – imagine this, you are in the audience at a public speaking event and a speaker gets up on the stage and they are terrible, they are nervous, they mess up their speech – how do you, as a member of the audience feel?

Embarrassed right? And how does that impact you? – Makes your skin crawl, you want to slide under your chair, you don’t want to be in the room!

THAT is why, the audience are routing for you, because THEY don’t want to feel bad!  In films, usually the “High School” type film, when a person gets on the stage and gives an embarrassing speech or their trousers fall down, everyone laughs – but not in the real world, at worst, you’ll get ignored, you won’t be laughed it as the audience are embarrassed, not amused.

This knowledge gave me huge confidence to do more things and to have fun with it, to laugh more at myself and to enjoy the whole experience.   

Another example is a person who is scared to go out of the house;

Confident place;

The house, they feel secure, unthreatened, the physical walls and doors and windows and locks make you feel secure and free from risk

Unconfident place;

Outside – well more specifically the supermarket;

-       Will I be able to find what I want?

-       Will I have enough money?

-       Will the machine accept my card?

-       Will I be able to remember my pin?

-       Will I be able to carry my shopping around the store?

-       Will I be able to pack my shopping?

-       Will my bags hold the shopping without breaking?

-       Will I be able to carry my purchases home?

-       Will I be safe walking there and back?

Break them down and set yourself up for success;

1.     Walk to the shop and then walk home, don’t even go in.

2.     Walk to the shop with £10 cash in your pocket and just buy 1 item for around £1

3.     Re-do item 2, but look for other items, just 2 like loaf of bread and a bottle of milk.

4.     Next day go to the same shop with £10 cash in your pocket and buy a loaf of bread and a bottle of milk

Other the period of a week and a month you can gradually build up what you buy. You can go to the supermarket with £10 cash and your bank card, pay with your bank card but if there is any problem with your card then use the cash – you have a backup and that gives you more confidence.